Sex in the bushes… and other things that shouldn’t occur at work functions

Tags

Awkward Moments, Conference, Humor, Life, Training, Work

2013 Conference Highlights:

1. Couple having sex in the bushes

2. Room next door busting in at 1:30 AM screaming about flowers

3. $25 dollar hamburgers (on the children’s menu), plus $3 delivery fee and 33% gratuity

4. Drinks on drinks on drinks (as long as you have raffle tickets)

5. The Harlem Shake

6. Getting rejected by a bouncer

I’d like to remind you that this was a job and training conference, not a bachelorette party. And guess what guys? It was awesome.

Now that I’ve got you hooked, I’ll tell you the stories from my awesome weekend separated into sections that you will most likely find extremely boring or hilarious.

The conference this year was less than a couple hours away from our office at a 5 star hotel. Apparently every year the provider network throws all of us offices together and trains us. The classes were fantastic. A lot of big names came in and spoke to us about billing and coding, management, software and new technology, charities, customer service, and changes in the industry.

Boring Stuff

 

The classes for the first day were a little bit intense because they covered changing legislation, falling reimbursement levels, and changes in auditing frequency. Auditing was terrifying to say the least because audits are going up as the government is trying to cut down on Medicare expenses. Fraudulent billing is a real thing and so is screwing with the claim lines and jacking up charges before sending claims to insurance companies. In normal people talk, basically some people lie and say they performed services on patients that they didn’t, just to get more money back. The government is broke already, so they tasked the Office of the Inspector General with auditing any office they want. If everything is not meticulously documented in the patient’s record and supported by additional documentation, they will find things wrong. They then take their findings, convert it to a percentage, and multiply that by the office’s entire patient base. Then they ask for their money back for however many years they want. We are talking millions of dollars in fines here and a lot of red tape. It’s scary even though my office has a whole room of experienced, trained, and extremely knowledgeable billers.

The second day was about everything else. A lot of reps came and spoke about various products, then there was a lecture on management. If you’ve been with me for a while you know I love my job and both of my bosses. So they of course didn’t need that class.  The following lecture on social media was interesting because WordPress was mentioned (represent!). Finally, there was a lot of information on treating rare and advanced diseases with new technologies. The new tech was basically scanners and things that can measure about 50 measurements at once or something to that effect. All I know for sure is that the reports look detailed and organized, and all issues are highlighted in red.

What you really wanted to read…

So the food was awesome. They gave us delicious jumbo pretzels for snack, along with fruit and soda. For dinner the first night we had prime rib, roast turkey, risotto in truffle oil, and italian ice. There were also a lot of drinks had by all because they gave us raffle tickets. Those with tickets got 1 drink per ticket. Seeing as I’m under-aged and hate the taste of alcohol, I got a bottle of water and tossed my tickets down the line. The second day they gave us sliced apples, peanut butter, and M&M’s and for lunch we got a grilled chicken salad with mini key lime pies.

After classes were finished the first day, my room decided that the pool sounded pretty fabulous, but the other room decided that they wanted to take a water taxi and go to an up-scale bar in town. I was torn but decided with one of my roommates to go to the bar, hang out for a bit, and then go to the pool. So we all got dressed up and pretty, I broke out my stripper heels (ladies, you know what I’m talking about), and we walked down to the water taxi. We motored over and walked to the bar where the bouncer and doorman requested us to all present our ID’s. Damn. They would not be having any of my 20ishness that evening. So I laughed and bid them adieu and went back to the water taxi.

On the ride back over, I was watching fireworks when I overheard other passengers yelling “Yeah, you get it man!” “WOOOO!!!” I looked over and saw two people in the bushes engaged in coitus. The driver beeped the horn while I turned crimson in horror and diverted my attentions to occupying the two children sitting in front of me until the danger had passed. I mean, eww. Seriously. Eww. I texted my boss and informed her of the wonderousness they had just missed.

We got changed for the pool and spent about a half hour floating around before the attendants kicked us out. We walked to one of the cafe’s overlooking the bay and the girls got a beer. Stace and I walked back up to the room and got dressed for bed before we tucked in to our books. The other girls made it back a while after and we watched some TV. Court got hungry, so she ordered something from room service. The bad part is that room service is ridiculously pricey and charged $25 for a hamburger, plus a $3 delivery fee, plus a 33% gratuity on the whole amount. And it took 45 minutes to deliver. After she got it and ate it, we all fell asleep. Then, I hear my name being screamed by multiple people. I woke up swearing to find the next room had just gotten back. Not only that, but they had snapped up the flowers from all the room service trays and brought them to us. The bad part? It was freaking 1:30 and I thought the whole place was on fire. After they laughed and had their fill, they left and it took me a hella long time to go to bed again.

The wake up call went off at 6:30 but I slept until 7:30. I made it down to the conference room at 8 to find that I was supposed to bring all my luggage with me. So then I had to go back and get it, but the social media lecture made up for my annoyance. A doctor who was presenting the lecture encouraged the offices to get a bit crazy with youtube to get patients engaged in the practice. His office made a video of themselves doing something called the “Harlem Shake” which I can only describe as someone convulsing. It was amusing to say the least, but it is not something I think our office should ever partake in. I do not convulse to bad dubstep.

No sir.

No ma’am.

To My Amusement…

Tags

Cars, Humor, Life, Update

Life happened. And always at unexpected and inopportune times.

I bought a new car yesterday and I am going to a conference in the morning. The conference was planned, the other part… not so much. But I must admit I laughed a little bit to myself because my anniversary of singledom is almost upon me. Buying myself a car to celebrate isn’t a bad way to commemorate, right? Sadly, it was necessary after my 20 year old car gave out on me. It is going to be retired to a man who needs it and it will hopefully enjoy a few nice and quiet years before going to the car park in the sky.

I will be back with all of you on Sunday, please forgive my lack of comments (I try as best I can to keep up with everyone). In the meantime, I hope all of you have a wonderful start to your weekend!

For Your Monday

Tags

Books, Entertainment, Game of Thrones, Humor, Life, Literature, TV

Game of Thrones lovers, I give these to you in the hopes you will have a bearable Monday.

Seriously though, read the damn books. If you think this is enthralling, I assure you it gets better.

Song of The Week

Tags

Music, Song of the Week

Just in the off chance y’all need something to dance around to as you sip your beverages of choice… have a great weekend everyone!

Someone Got An Attitude Adjustment…

Tags

dating, Humor, Life, Love, Relationships, Society, Work

It has been pointed out by several people that I’m strangely happy. Not in the annoying way, but in the way that I always have a sparkle in my eye and a smile. I was slightly taken aback considering that the past few years have been hallmarked by a sullen expression and barely masked hostility. My attitude is not something I’ve been complimented on for at least four years.

Let’s face it, I made choices in the past few years that made me miserable. And about a year ago I made a lot of choices that led me to where I am today. I lost my significant other, I lost a job, I evaluated every person in my life, and then I dumped another job that made me absolutely miserable. I feel like I’m finally starting to reap the rewards of my choices. I sleep easier, I don’t dread going to work in the morning, I have a better attitude and I honestly don’t hate people as much as I did before. I haven’t felt this way since my first year of college and I haven’t felt this proud of myself in a long time. I remember being effortlessly happy when I was a kid, it’s always been my personality. I guess I had to screw up that natural optimism to realize that when I make these bad choices it affects me more than I think.

Most of my choices were connected to some screwed up outlook on my self worth. I know I’m a good catch, I know I’m working on things and living my life, but society tells women that if they aren’t dating someone that there is something wrong with them. And I’m going to admit that I bought into that outlook knowing it was wrong. My problems started when I made the choice to date someone in my first year of college and it didn’t end well. So then I jumped into my first serious relationship as some sort of rebound and I regret that choice with every fiber of my being. It ended horrifically and I’m not sure who I’m more ashamed of… the guy I dated or myself for dating him. After him, there was another rebound bobble (I swear, writing this makes me feel like a horrible person) and then Luis. I regret nothing, Luis is a good man who gave me that slap in the face of “Hey, you are a complete bitch… do something about it.” I made amends, sadly those amends weren’t enough and we are both incapable of making good choices, so that’s that.

Anyway, I’ve been spending a lot of time with with my family and my brother told me something the other night that kind of made this entire Luis/relationship thing make sense. He told me that I can’t just get over people. It’s not me and it’s not my personality. But, what I can do is learn to live without them. That is something I’ve learned to do over the past year and I’ve learned to do it well. Since that fact was pointed out to me by Jase, I haven’t thought of Luis. Not even once until right now and considering the man was living rent free in my head for years now, that is quite an accomplishment.

I guess really sitting down and evaluating my choices has made me accept some things about myself I really didn’t want to. But I know why I did the things I did, as screwed up as they were sometimes, and I’m not going to beat myself up over the past. Basically, those choices let me learn who I am and what I want. Too much life experience in a short period of time but when I do something, I do it 110%. But I’m learning, I’m smiling and I’m breathing a bit easier these days. Life is too short to be miserable and I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend one more day upset. It’s just not me. At least, not anymore.

Floridian Problems

Tags

Florida, Humor, Hurricanes, Life, Stupid People, Weather

1. I could build a raft and ford my front lawn at this point. At worst it would look like a bad Lewis and Clark reenactment. 
2. I have to paddle to work in the morning next to all the people who can’t freaking drive to begin with, let alone navigate in the rain.
3. I’m considering weaving a raft out of palmettos and training a team of gators to pull it. It actually makes sense to me, and I find that alarming.
4. Didn’t hurricane season just start? On Saturday? 5 days ago? I mean, I know my storm shutters bring all the storms to the yard, but damn…
5. Have you seen some of the names this year? Andrea, Barry, Chantal, Dorian, Erin, Fernand, Gabrielle, Humberto, Ingrid, Jerry, Karen, Lorenzo, Melissa, Nestor, Olga, Pablo, Rebekah, Sebastien, Tanya, Van and Wendy. Where is Quetzalcoatl, Umberto, Xylophona and Zoroastrianitus on that list?  If they can’t spell Sebastian right (because Disney got so much else right, like happy endings and castles), I think my name suggestions should at least be considered.
6. Mention of 2004 brings out severe paranoia and the uncontrollable need to scrub my hair. We lived like cavemen for almost 2 months because we didn’t have power. We would get it the day before the next storm arrived. All three times.
7. I have a plan to make my parent’s closet the most awesome room in the house. Who says safe rooms have to be boring? I contemplate my mortality in style.
8. I laugh at those who don’t prepare and then riot when they run out of Beefaroni and Starbucks (that really happened people).
9. Everything about mosquitos and the panic they cause. “OMG am I going to get Malaria!?!? I can’t, like, wash my mosquito bites because I don’t have hot water and (insert more whining here).”
10. 90+ heat without air conditioning. Do not want. Do Not Want.
11. “I know that the weather man said not to go outside, but it got quiet so I decided to go outside and look at stuff… how was I supposed to know the storm was only half over?!?”

Basically I get hot, sweaty, and gross. Plus I get to deal with complete dumbasses. But to be honest, the only thing worse than dumbass Floridians is cold and snow. So I’ll continue laughing at their stupidity. You know, if I don’t drown first or get devoured by my gator chariot.

Wait, What?

Tags

Humor, Life, Promotion, Work

That was my reaction when I found out that I got promoted.

First these guys give me keys. Then they give me preappoints. Then responsibility for the time off calendar. I grabbed recall because I need something to work on, but I didn’t see this one coming. 

Basically I stood there and then spat out this gem: “Well, as long as it won’t get my car keyed. Actually, they are welcome to do that if they really want to, but still…” My doctor told me “Nah, it’ll be fun.” Fun? Fun? Oh sweet mercy what am I in for?

From what it looks like, I’m going to be junior management and run support for the departments. Evidently I’m organized and good at planning things.

A job I love, where I am treated great and valued… I’m very blessed indeed.

Basically every male/female argument ever

Reblogged from Things Could Be Worse:

THIS. Only substitute "How on Earth could you not know that? It's common sense. Everyone knows that. How can you not know that? Why do you have to have me tell you that? Why am I telling you this after you've already done that? It's common sense, why do I have to tell you..."

Menat Rage

Tags

Ancient Egypt, Hobbies, Humor, Jewelry, Life

I am so done with this thing. I swear to God I could throw my work bench across the house and walk away. I don’t blog about the extremely trivial and mundane facets of my existence much, but this particular problem amuses me, so I shall tell you about it.

One of my talents is making jewelry, because I blatantly refuse to pay for it. I do. I got hosed a couple of years ago when I bought a freshwater pearl necklace on a cruise. I paid $50 for it (on sale, thank you), but in reality it’s less than $10 to put together. When I found that out, I was pissed and I swore I would never let it happen again. Sometimes my talent born of rage comes in handy.

My brother and I are joining a historical preservation society to spend time together. To prepare, we have to do a ton of research on our chosen time period, including a bunch of stuff on everyday life. While we are at our chosen event (sometimes a week long, although I refuse to use my vacation time for anything less than a sail to somewhere with nice beaches) we have to wear the clothes from the time period, eat the food, etc. So basically, we’ve been sewing and beading and crying out in rage because our time period is New Kingdom Egypt during the reign of Thutmose III. I still have to sew all my linen pieces (which amuses me greatly because the women actually went topless in Egypt but I don’t care to flash anyone), but Jase and I have been spending most of our time recreating jewelry pieces we’ve found in the Metropolitan Museum. The results have been varied.

I am losing my mind. 

Literally, it has run away screaming. Can someone please explain to me how recreating jewelry from thousands of years ago is kicking my ass? We had a 4 hour session tonight and I am completely exhausted. And I got my ass handed to me. I couldn’t figure out the clasps or ratios, the designs and patterns… I’ve spent the last couple of hours pouring over research and looking at exhibitions in the Met. I’ll be damned if I have to sit down and weave a freaking collar. I refuse. I got a book on it and this lady was all like “oh bead weaving is so easy… all you have to do is…” 500 steps later, one bead is secured. 3000 more to go! Hell no. No. I am lazy, far too lazy for that.

So until I figure this out, I’m going to be seething in rage because the good stuff is hard to make and everything else just looks like absolute crap. Nerd problems… they are dire indeed.

Song of The Week

Tags

Inspiration, Life, Love, Music, Relationships, Work

I love this song because it’s so optimistically realistic. It reminds me of the times I’d like to forget (and would if they didn’t contain a lesson). Truth is, life (or a relationship) is a murky, scary mess… but it always works itself out with some hope and determination. And if it doesn’t, there is always something brighter on the horizon. Sometimes you have to wait for it to appear, but it’s there.

This song plays on my I-heart-radio account at work and the patients seem to like it. Well, they don’t have a choice because I have a habit of serenading them.