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This post contains a plethora of creative swearing for a rather good reason. Be warned before reading.

So… Let’s talk about the last two days. They sucked in a hilarious way. Was it because….

  • My personal life has decided to step out of line? Nah…
  • I had a rough week at one of my jobs? Nope.
  • I harvested the souls of small children in a past life because their innocence is the sweet elixir of unbridled joy? Possibly…
  • My car decided to get really expensive really quick? I’m so sorry little checkbook, we can make it through this… I promise! Oh no. Run you paper wench! RUN!!! 
  • I laughed maniacally during my country’s presidential debate and started looking up Big Bird videos?

Or could it possibly be……

  • Some bottom feeding soul sucking amoeba stole my credit card number and used it to buy a cornucopia of online games like World of Warcraft and Dungeons and Dragons and whatever the hell else is out there?

Yeah I’m talking to you, you lowlife bastard! Get a damn girlfriend! If you’ve even heard of that Pokemon… I hope level 506957 of the Doors of Darkness whatever the hell you play re-spawns you in a Spartan pit of death! May your assault on the Yeti Troll Vatican Assassin Warlock with tiger blood look like a reenactment of the Battle of Edessa with you as the Romans! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION, NOW BRING ME A SHRUBBERY AS PENANCE BEFORE I ANATHEMATIZE YOU!!!!

………..Yeah, that would be it.

So SCREW YOU hacker!!! May the plague descend on your city, may that city have no aquaducts, and may the barbarian hoards come to rend the flesh from your dessicated corpse!!!

On that note, my week was pretty shitty. But I’m alive, so that counts in my favor. And someone is not going to play WoW using my money, so I’ll now savor both my vindication and the sweet taste of technological victory.

And for that special person out there somewhere…

And get explosive diarrhea