Now my wonderful readers, odds are you avoided my previous post because it is extremely depressing. But thank you to the few that did read it and give feedback… you guys are awesome. This is the second part of “coming to terms.”
Luis remains one of my best friends as well as the guy I share my morning traffic rants with. We will remain close for a very long time (unless he gets a girlfriend who doesn’t appreciate female friends). Thankfully, there is no more of that awful desperate emotion involved. After having a meeting of the minds, we made a mutual agreement that we need to find other people to share our romantic interests with. This is awkwardly hilarious to me seeing as my list of qualities for a significant other rivals in length all the philosophy ever written on the theory and practice of life. What can I say? I don’t settle.
Here is a picture for your viewing pleasure (it is rather old, but it’s the only one that survived the great purge which rivaled the Chinese Cultural Revolution):
There is a certain freedom that comes with giving everything you have to something or someone. It makes my heart joyful to know that once in my life, just once… Commander Selfish stepped aside. And so did Queen Lazy (I didn’t realize how exhausting fighting for someone actually was!)
But let’s remember the true heroes of this story:
My fabulous brother Jason who curled up with me as I worked through my emotions, threw chocolate at me, and talked to me like he was narrating the honey badger: “OH GUUUUURL look at that nasty chocolate!!! Gurl you grab that chocolate!! You TAKE WHAT YOU WANT!!! Now eat it!! Eat the chocolate and cry it out gurl!!”
My wonderful best friend Josh who put me on speaker while he was working on case briefs, who stayed up with me until ungodly hours of the early morning because I couldn’t sleep, who listened and acknowledged my ranting at the appropriate times… My companion to comfort eating, my driving phone call, my weekend salvation.
My mother who was awoken in the middle of the night countless times by my tears and incoming panic attacks, the woman who spent weeks of her life telling me the same thing over and over again to have me ignore her, like always. She stayed with me no matter how bad the emotion got.
My father who has spent the last few months in supportive hiding.
My sister who escaped to Louisiana in the nick of time, but spent hours on the phone with me discussing how much she hated men just for existing.
Luis himself for talking me through this. It’s pretty awesome that he’s a strong enough man and a kind enough friend to help me through a mess that we both created. Especially considering he was hurt just as much as me.
And a huge thanks is also owed to all of my other friends who spent hours on facebook chat, who passed me napkins when I started crying in the middle of dinner at restaurants, and who kept me going with kind words no matter how near or far away they were from me… I couldn’t have done this without a great support system.
I’m going to bring out a tired old saying because I love to torment all of you: “It is always darkest before the dawn.” It’s old and cliched, and I gag every time I read it… but it’s true. And thank you to all of my readers who’ve been here throughout this process. Sometimes, nothing is better than talking about our lives with a complete stranger. Every so often, those strangers are quite similar to ourselves.