This is brought to you by the driver of a black beat up Nissan.
Strong language, snark, and sarcasm ahead. Readers be advised.
Dear Nissan Driver,
You asshole. You found out the major interstate was closed on official business, so what did you do? You got on a secondary toll road. You should have known there’d be a ton of cars and a lot of backups. So did you plan accordingly? No, you did not. In your infinite brilliance, you also attempted to kill me and the person next to me because you were in so much of a damn hurry. Car in front of you too slow? Why not dive into the center lane!
Do you remember when you flicked on your turn signal and vaulted right at the front of my car? I do. I moved over. Too bad someone was already driving there! Thankfully, both of us were paying attention to your stupid ass because my minivan brethren jumped onto the shoulder.
I hope you saw both of us screaming at you as we stood on our brakes and went from 65 to 30 in 4 seconds. I hope that the next time you decide you want to drive recklessly, you get suddenly nauseous and projectile vomit all over yourself. May you be tormented by leg cramps every time you carelessly flick on your blinker and do a Tarzan leap into a lane that isn’t designated for idiots. Screw you sir. Screw you. And stay the hell off my road if you want to murder me.
Sincerely hating you,