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Today has been one of those days that is just weird from the very beginning. I managed to wake up at 6:30, as my alarm demanded, however I apparently got out of bed, turned it off, and then returned to my blanket nest. This is wonderful in theory, not so much in practice. After awaking a second time, I became aware that I had 15 minutes to leave my house while still looking “office appropriate.”


This is why all of my clothes go together… not because I’m boring which has been insinuated many times by various people who don’t know me at all,  like my parents. Anyway, don’t ask me how, but I managed to make that work and I was skipping out of my house in 15 minutes (dressed, showered, with my lunch packed… Take that life!!!). Traffic reports said everything was cleared for my commute, I was feeling like a boss, so naturally all I had to do was sing to my radio and not get murdered by the various crappy drivers.

No sooner do I merge onto my main toll road, life decides I shouldn’t have gotten off so easy. It is, after all, Thursday. I drive around a big curve and hear “This just in… 429 Westbound has stopped following an accident that is taking up two lanes. There is another new accident following toll plaza 1 and the merge with major road #2 is at a standstill.” I felt like I was in one of those apocalypse movies where everyone tries to evacuate and they all clog up the road and get murdered by whatever creature/natural disaster is consuming the world. I got to the top of a hill and at the bottom, there was a sea of red. Of course, I didn’t find this crap out until after I’d already merged. More reason to hate traffic reporters.

Despite the “Alert” signs flashing everywhere, the sea of red, and 3 accidents… I still made it to work only 15 minutes late. The morning passed uneventfully, with large volumes of paperwork and larger volumes of patients incapable of filling out anything more complex than a coloring sheet. Crazy coworker is crazy. Late nurse is late. Hungry doctor is hungry.

Solace comes in the form of my lunch break. I am tasked with “holding down the fort” which means:

  • put the phones on service
  • lock the doors
  • let no one know someone is in the office

Seemingly unimportant right? No! If these three rules are ignored, we be overrun by hypochondriacs, buried by hospital faxes, and have to deal with people that wait until the last second to get important documents. Right as I go to put the phones on service, the damn things light up like I’m a 911 dispatcher. As I type, people are trying to call over and over while not bothering to listen to the message detailing our office hours. God help me.

Being ever optimistic, I decided that today would also be a great time to test out my cooking aptitude. I attempted to cook something in the microwave that should not have been cooked in the microwave (according to the directions). I also attempted to do so without the proper equipment needed. I have honestly never beheld something as grotesque as my failed lunch experiment. 2 year old frozen perogies taste awful when boiled uncovered in a tupperware, just in case any of you have a random box frozen solid in your refrigerators.

On the bright side, I’ve been laughing all day. How can you not?