Now, I’ve been far too silent on the relationship front for a bit. This is mostly due to the fact that I’ve been attempting to regain at least partial sanity following the Luis incident. Well, I feel somewhat stable now, so now it’s back to writing about relationships (without sobbing into my hot cocoa as I’m serenaded by Josh Groban).
My level of care for men is at zero. It just is. I’m sure there are some decent men out there, I just don’t know or care where they are. I know I’ve been saying for a long time that I’m going to stay single, but I have never felt such apathy in my life. This is saying something. It’s not that I hate men, I don’t. I adore my male friends and respect them (usually). But I am just not enthused.
The majority of the boys my age (20-25) are preoccupied with slutty girls, beer, clubbing/partying, the gym, fancy cars (or shitty cars with insane sound systems that spread their poor choice in music around the block), and school. The gym and school… totally fine with me. However, it’s difficult for me to relate to men that are still in that life stage. They aren’t really thinking about anything too exciting like a possible career, travelling, moving out, and getting on with life. It seems like the entire scope is drinking and being stupid. Or procrastinating on important stuff and just letting life happen to them (on a side note, how do these people not get anxious about their futures?). Where is the responsibility? Work ethic? Depth? They don’t have it yet.
Now, this is extremely difficult at times, because now that I’ve graduated and I work, I have some free time. Okay, maybe a lot of free time. I prefer to spend my time with people I care about. I liked having a significant other to talk to all the time, to go out to dinner with, to see movies with… I miss the security of a relationship. I miss hearing “I love you” all the time. I miss being able to drop my purse on the couch after a hard day and slide into a hug. I miss having someone to hold my hand while I’m walking, someone to notice when my smile isn’t as bright, and someone to snuggle with when I’m watching my nighttime television.
But not that much.
I refuse to spend yet another year of my life running after someone. I worked hard to not have baggage (well, as much baggage as I could have). If I take meticulous care of my life, why would I date someone who still hasn’t figured their life out? I used to think that if it was true love and if my relationship was meant to be, my significant other and I would walk through the early, middle, and later stages of life. Now I understand that I want my man to at least know who he is, what he wants, and be making big moves to get where he wants to go before he meets or pursues me.
I might be being unreasonable. But I don’t care. In fact, my care level is -10000.