The List – #3: Stop Assuming
This is the next task on my list, and it’s been made very clear to me by the universe.
Side Note: Screw the universe.
This is me standing up and breaking the cycle of assuming.
Now, this is a bad habit of mine. This is what I do. Something remotely unexpected happens and then I’m suddenly looking around like “What the hell happened?” “Oh my God. What did I do?” “Did I do anything?” “Did someone do something?” “Did I get stabbed in the back?” “Who would want something like this to happen?” “This is not an accident, something is going on and someone is responsible.” “She did it! She’s always had it out for me!” “He was totally talking about me when he put up that Facebook status!” “Did she mean this when she said that?”
This has got to stop.
Now, I believe in saying your honest opinion to someone’s face. I don’t talk behind people’s backs because it’s been done way too many times to me. If you ask me my opinion, I’ll say it to your face. And I say my opinion, I don’t have various ones so people can say “Well, I heard she said this” “Really? because she told me this.” No. I said that, and that alone, because that’s what I think.
Now, something happened to me today that was a bit… I won’t say unexpected… but it kinda was. I logged on to FB to deactivate my account because I just don’t care to use it anymore. On this infernal website, I discovered that I was removed from the life of a person I was taking my time to let go. Well, he beat me to the punch.
My first reaction? Yup. “What did I do?” “What the hell!” “Did I offend him?” “I didn’t do anything intentionally…” “The only things he might have heard from any credible person is what I’ve told him repeatedly…” Stop! I’m being ridiculous about this. I made the final choice a while back to remove this same person from my life, permanently, for the sake of both of us. Well, I decided to be selfish in this situation, but he thinks he doesn’t need me, so it works out for the both of us.
Side note: Holding on to an ex you still love is no way to live. Trust me.
This is it. It stops here.
If I am taking charge of my life and seriously clearing out people and deciding what is and is not acceptable, why do I suddenly think that other people are exempt from doing the same? Maybe I don’t have the right to an explanation. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe there is a huge conspiracy. Should it matter to me? No. If a person did not take the time to say something to my face, I have no obligation to care. More so, if someone does not want me in their life, I have no obligation to appeal their choices.
So this is one of many reaction journals to come. From now on, my focus for improvement will be moderating my reactions to others and not assuming. Unless it is said to my face, it has no value. And I’m done fighting for a place in people’s lives. If I don’t want people to appeal my own choices out of respect for me, then I am honor bound to do the same.
But more so than any of these reasons, I think trying to fix my reactions will help teach me to be more merciful. The fallout from these assumptions and allegations and rumors… it’s devastating. It leaves everyone involved hurt and that level of hurt is not repairable. It’s just not. I’ve seen it happen, I’ve lived it… it sucks. So by giving people the opportunity to explain things I might misunderstand is the right and fair thing to do. That reaction comes out of respect, mercy, and love. Even though I might sacrifice some of my emotion or stress out a little bit more, as one of my favorite songs states: “Love is sacrifice.”