This post is the response to a blogging prompt by Swift Expression.
Robbie Williams has a famous song called “Feel”. One of the lines in the song is –
“There’s a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face …”
Think about that, and write whatever it makes you “feel”.
Do you identify with it, or does it leave you feeling nothing? Explain.
Can people see it in your face, or is there nothing there to see? Share the details.
I spent 2 hours typing a response to that song, and I hated every word of it. So I deleted it. It was more whinging and whining about the mistakes I made in my life and the stupid things I’ve done, and how I feel like it haunts me. But… I am really sick of talking about it. I’m tired of constantly beating myself up over something I did in the past. Should I have known better? Yes. Did I? No. End of story.
I’ve finally forgiven myself and I’m moving forward, as of this very moment. So yes, there was a hole in my soul and sometimes I saw the regret in my eyes. But there is now light in my eyes that hasn’t been there for years. There is a hope that I had just about given up on. There is strength I never knew I had. I’m going to make the most of this new opportunity. I am a prodigal to my faith, but also one to my very soul. I have subjected my soul to pain by doing wrong over and over again, and ignoring my conscience. I should have listened then, but I’m listening now. I have effectively humbled myself in every area of my life and I’m now listening to the feelings in my heart, the sound thoughts in my head, and the ideals of my faith. From now on I will use those principles to guide me instead of society or impulsive whims. I haven’t felt this whole since I was a young girl who hadn’t screwed up everything just yet, and I would go through that entire mess a second time to be able to stand where I am today. But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take precautions to avoid that hole in my soul from coming back… I’ve had quite enough of the mainstream life for many, many lifetimes.
In other news, I still don’t like my response, but screw it. I’m too lazy to write another one.