Sweet Little Lies
Now, this one was a personal request by Swift Expression… one that I was supposed to complete 4 days ago. Better late than never! Anyway, it was a personal request because I think I could write a book on lying from every perspective there is. I have tragic stories, funny stories, stories I’m ashamed to tell. I really would need a book to write down everything, but I’m going to share a few stories from my life in this post.
But first, the directions:
When (if ever) is it ok to lie? And why (or why not)?
If you’re brave enough, share an example of a lie that you told which you thought was necessary. Give details.
I know most of you know me as the painfully honest blogger who will literally give a straight answer for anything asked. Well, I am that way because I wasn’t always that way. When I was a young awful child (from the ages 8-13) I was… how shall I say… a pathological liar. And I was quite good at it. Just about everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. I did this because my Mom was diagnosed with an incurable, chronic, and terminal mystery illness. So naturally, I thought it was my fault. All the medications, doctors… somehow it got mixed up in my mind. I thought that maybe if I would have been a better kid, not caused Mom so much stress, gotten better grades, that I could have prevented her sickness. Was this logical? Of course not. But sometimes there is no reasoning with someone in that emotional state.
Naturally, I shut everyone out of my life and developed behaviors (like lying) to keep people out. I didn’t want to even do the basic things that were expected of me, like my school. The only thing I actually liked to do was read, so that’s what I did the most of. I spent 2.5 years (solid) on restriction. No friends, no television, no computer games, and bed at 6 pm. Literally right after dinner. Sometimes it didn’t get dark until 9, so I read. I honestly gave my parents a run for their money. With my attitude, stubbornness, and ineptitude to say anything remotely resembling the truth, unhappy terms started to get thrown around. These terms started at “Co-op” (Yessssss, socialize the heathen), public school (God forbid… American school systems are where brain cells, dreams, and potential go to die) and finally the Juvenile Detention Hall. Dunno if they could have actually put me in JV, but they seemed pretty damn serious about it.
It took a lot to get me out of my destructive pattern. At the end of the day, I was 3 years behind in my school (I made it up and ended up graduating 3 years in advance), hated by everyone, and not thrilled with life in general. I really screwed myself over. It took me years to earn the trust of my family back. In fact, they still look at me every now and again and I can see them wondering if I’m being legit. And it’s been…. 7 years? Also, instead of graduating with honors 6 years in advance, I only graduated 3 years in advance. Do you know.. I could have had my damn masters right now. Instead, I’m sitting watching shit TV, I’ve been living in my PJ’s for the past 3 days, I’ve drank a gallon of hot cocoa, and I graduated with my Bachelor’s last May. O Tempora, O Mores!
So don’t lie, it’ll follow you throughout your life and make things a pain in the ass. Plus, once you get so used to it, it becomes ingrained in your behavior. It’ll try to fly out when there isn’t even a reason. Just fun everywhere…. Woo!
Now I’m going to switch to the part where karma bites me square in the ass. That whole “you get what you give times 10” shit is real. Now, I’ve been lied to a lot by a bunch of different people… so I’m going to pick the best ones.
The first person to really hurt me by lying was my first serious boyfriend. His name was Josh and he lied about everything. He told me he loved me when all he loved was what he thought he could get from me. Which ended up being nothing, because I’m stupid, but I’m not that stupid. He dragged me into all of his family problems, and he kept promising me that things would change. He said he would get a car (never date anyone without a car, just don’t do it), he said he would move out, he said he would get away from his father. I had to constantly worry about him, he said his Dad was going to seriously hurt him. What was I to do? Stand there? I found him a roommate, I told him to put out a transfer request. I found him a car, a safe place to stay with friends… I took care of everything he’d need for a new life. The night before all of this is supposed to start moving, he chats me and says that he can’t do it. Everything that he’d been telling me was a lie, but he said if I loved him, I’d accept him as he really is and just deal with the horror my life had become. My favorite part was dumping his ass the next day at work when he’d been walking around like nothing was the matter. He sobbed like a baby, but I told him to find someone else to fix every single problem he ever had, to work like a dog to put him through law school… it just went on.
It was kind of epic in hindsight, at the time I was shaking like a leaf.
I’ve been lied to at my job by people I believed and stood up for, so I looked like an idiot. I’ve been lied to by people I called my friends who were probably in it only to not feel so alone. I was lied to by the most recent of my adventures (which I think we are all tired of hearing about now), but also people I’ve casually dated.
The most common form of lie I encounter are the facades people put up. People make their lives out to be a certain way and only when they have you invested do they actually show you who they really are. It’s annoying. If you want a friend or a significant other, don’t invent this other persona that has nothing in common with you. Just say “I’m a bitch in the morning, I hate holidays, and black coffee makes me puke. You’ll never be able to eat in my car, I suck at going through airport security, and I’ll call you in the middle of the night because I’m a compulsive drinker with no self esteem.” Is it really that hard? Really?
What I run into a lot as far as facades are concerned are the people who look like they have everything together, and act like it, but are literally a mess inside. And after I help put them together, I get stabbed in the back. This has actually happened… 4 times. One actually thanked me for helping him before he left, which was nice. He’s gone on to be a successful man with bad taste in women (although his parents still love me to death and would flip if they knew he was shacked up with a ho), but otherwise I hear he’s a nice, stable guy. I take a lot of credit for that. Two others decided to leave the knives in my back as a trophy, and the last one I love to pieces and he’s a wonderful, successful man. And also my adopted brother… I loved him so much I made him family (plus the knife was super small and accidentally implanted).
So no, it’s never okay to lie and it won’t be in the future. Because everyone else does it and it’s annoying. More than that, it’s a slippery slope. Once you start, you can’t stop. Then you will destroy your life, and that’s not fun. Even less fun is karma coming back to really hammer in that message.
No matter how horrible the truth is, a lie (any lie) is always worse. If you lie even a little, people won’t trust you. Hell, if you’ve never lied at all, people still won’t trust you, although you’ll be able to be as indignant as you want. So everyone, learn from my mistakes. Lying never pays at all, it just makes you miserable. It ruins friendships, relationships, dreams, aspirations for the future… basically, lie if you really hate yourself and want to flush your life into the sewer.
And that is my sage wisdom for this challenge.