I immediately start hearing something by the Script in my head. Thankfully, we are finally off “If You Ever Come Back”… because let’s face it. He doesn’t deserve to come back after everything I’ve gone through because of him. He may have only my middle finger salute. But this happened to me a couple times today, and this is the song that wouldn’t leave my head for a bit. My readers coming out of bad breakups will relate…
I guess I’ll know when I’m truly okay when people in love don’t make me cry, when I don’t want to run over happy couples walking in the park, when the sight of people holding hands doesn’t make me want to throw up, when a special love song doesn’t make me hate everything. Angsty, but true. I seriously feel like the biggest bitch ever. “Oh look…. they are so happy. I wonder if they’ll be happy as I’m chasing them down the sidewalk with my car! Muahahahaha! Run happy people…. RUN!!! Your love will make me a fitting hood ornament!”
How horrible it that?!? Seriously, how freaking terrible is that? Happy people make me homicidal! I’m comparing myself to one of the best villains of all time! Ugh, I feel guilty for being so distraught and upset over other people’s happiness.
So I decided I needed to cheer myself up. That means: more Taylor Swift. She is the emergency artist I run to because if there is any woman who’s had a worse romantic life than I, it’s her. And she managed to turn it into a multi-million dollar success… Without killing anyone that looked happy by running them down at an outdoor mall.
This shall do just fine…
And now that I’m laughing hysterically because everything in the video is something I’d actually do (especially licking all the silverware). I’d like to note that he didn’t even have that nice of a truck. Just a shitty Ford Focus that broke down all the time and shook threateningly whenever it exceeded 30 mph. Seriously, that thing was a piece of shit, I’m actually laughing right now because I’d forgotten how much I hated the damn thing.
Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and making something better than it was just because it knows I can’t have it. Well, like Taylor said… I’m over it. Maybe our love story is like her song “Red”, but I *did* know he was trouble when he walked in, so shame on me. Now I need to begin again with someone who wants to have a real love story, and will actually say yes. Someone who will know they belong with me, so our song can be something sappy, there won’t be teardrops on my laptop, and I’ll never fear them opening their mouth to speak (now or ever). It’s time to have some change and realize that I need someone who I can tell “I’m only me when I’m with you.” So if Luis ever tries to come back around, I’ll run him over with his damn white horse and tell him “No one will ever love you the way I loved you.” And I wouldn’t be lying. He’ll be listening to old sad Tim McGraw songs and wishing he could go back to earlier this December when he might have still had a shot, because our love will never be “ours” again.