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So. You know those memories I’ve been remaking? The ones I’ve been frantically papering over because I’m so sick of feeling the way I feel?

Well I papered over another one of them today. Last year, Luis and I went to see The Lion King. The night before, he’d broken our engagement (for the first time). What I remember from the show was crying and asking what the hell I ever did to him to deserve that. So in other words, bad memories. Get the wallpaper!

Today I went to the performing arts center with my Mom to see “Wicked” the musical. Well it was amazing, let me tell you. What was better was having 3 hours to sit and stare at the seats we’d been in. Those seats were occupied by a family today. I’m grateful they weren’t occupied with a happy couple watching the show holding hands. I think that would have made it harder.

At the end, I realized that things the way they are are just going to have to work. I can’t run around and try to tie up loose ends. There are ends I don’t want to tie because they are just so exhausting and annoying. Steps, baby steps. All the time. The roller coaster is dipping up and down, the yo-yo hitting the floor and then the ceiling. But I’m handling it better now. I’ve been in this for 8 months now and I’m going to be in this for a hell of a longer time. But guess what? I can do this. I can and I will.

Do you want to know why?

Because I already bought the wallpaper and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it go to waste.

 

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