About my news.
This is what happens when you have one day off.
Well first off, my most exciting news is going to have everyone breathing a collective sigh of relief. The feels gif is being retired.
I’ll let that sink in.
Yes, the gif is being retired. Do you want to know why?
Because I’ve officially pissed myself off so damn much I am getting over Luis. It’s over. It’s done. The ending is messy and awful, but someone pretty amazing told me that when my life shatters into a million pieces, I can either sit on the floor and scream about how unfair everything is, or I can get out my superglue and make myself a stained glass window.
So yeah, it’s over. I’m tired of it, I’m tired of having dreams that we are still together, I’m tired of thinking about him all the time, I’m tired of seeing him everywhere. I’m tired of it. If he wants to go off and have a life without me, that is his choice and he is entitled to do it. I wish him the best and I’ll remember him as the kind soul he was when he was mine. But people change, he changed, and I’m going to change for the better. I am so over this shit.
I don’t know if y’all got the memo or not, but I kick ass. I can’t even legally drink, yet I have a 4 year degree, I’ve been working for 6 years this July, I can recite Eminem like nobody’s business, I make my own damn jewelry, I can cook and bake, I have no student debt, I have a great family, I have money in the bank, I have investments, I’m not puking my guts up every night because I’m partying my ass off and drinking frat boys under the table… I am the total fucking package because I happen to give a shit about people, their dreams, their goals, and their feelings. I can also read at the speed of light and have the profound ability to make absolutely every conversation dirty. I’m insane, I’m smart, my laughter is infectious, I’m a total nerd, and I WILL cut a bitch if I have to.
So yeah. Feels gif is done. Give it a Viking funeral and set that shit on fire, I AM BACK!!!
Ahem, okay. Moving on from that impromptu show of my self esteem.
I have a forever job now. An actual career at a real office. I have a lot of responsibility but I’m handing it with grace… hopefully. The doctor says that I am the best new hire he’s ever had. Right now I’m learning my department, but he pays for his employees to go back to school so that is what I’ll be doing. I’ll be going back to school and getting my shit together and plugging away at an actual career. Feels a bit awesome to say that considering the year I had in 2012.
I’m transitioning out my jobs pretty soon and it appears that I will be the proud owner of a weekend in a little over a month. I’m excited because this means I can start hobbies and attempt to make friends. I need a few more friends, good ones that are close to home. And actual friends, not work friends. I’ll never be friends with someone I work with. Never again, not after what happened. It’s my new life lesson, I’m going with it.
A few of my relationships seem to be on hold. I was a colossal mess and I had to just step out and away from everyone for a bit. Some people understood, others didn’t. I feel awkward sending a text months after the fact, it’s not my style. I think it’s best for them to get friends that won’t do what I did and completely ghost. I feel bad, but it might be best for them.
So this is me. Laying here in my bed in the ugliest PJ’s I possess with my hair thrown on top of my head and skin cream dabbed all over my face… declaring my awesomeness. Excuse me while I laugh at my own expense.
Tomorrow it’s back to work as usual… long days at the office are the norm. I call it an investment… an investment in my future. You know, that thing I was crying about? The one that disappeared? Well… I guess I just have to build another one.
After I get my life established with career, school, and friends… I might look into dating again. Nowhere near ready for that currently, it just seems like an overwhelming task. Do you know how hard it is to find a man who isn’t an ass? Who actually has his life together? Who is kind, smart, and funny? Who isn’t afraid of strong women? A bunch of you are going “Well, I’m not gay… so no. No, I do not.” Take my word for it, it’s hard. And annoying. And devoid of all manner of romance because when you see a guy like that, you have to fucking hunt them down. There is no “Oh, I’m a guy and I think that girl over there is pretty and I’m going to ask her out!” No. If that happens, the girl is a ditz. An oblivious ditz who is just looking to be swooped up by the first mediocre specimen she can get. When you are a woman and you see a decent guy, you have to be all up over that shit. “Oh, you work here? Didn’t know. I also didn’t know what kind of car you drive and the nights that you work. And I had no idea that I know your Mom. She’s absolutely lovely, fancy running into you here. Do you know where the wire is? No I don’t know what kind I want, I just wanted to have a look at them all. Take me to them?”
Yeah, you have to go stalker on their ass or someone else is going to snap them up first. Tip to guys… if you want wife material: get your heads out your asses and don’t be a douche. Then we will hunt you down like a babe in the woods. I feel like I’m cursing a lot in this post. In my defense, it’s late and I’ve been listening to a lot of rap today.
Anyway, exhausting. Don’t have time or energy to devote to that. But it looks like I’m getting on with it and moving on to the next step.