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Strong, strong, strong language ahead. And that doesn’t include the awful video.

So we’ve been having some nasty weather lately. Usually I’m cool with it as long as two things don’t happen.

1. It cannot be doing it’s thing when I’m driving. I am doing my thing then. I take priority <– (Insert Ancient hubris joke here)

2. It can’t interfere with my life after working hours.

So basically, the weather is allowed to be nasty only after I’m at work tucked into my desk with a bagel and some coffee, clear up for lunch, be all nasty after I’ve returned from feeding, and then be passable again when it’s time for me to drive home.

Guess how well that’s been working?

Last night my Mom was torturing me with “American Idol”. For all you international folk, it’s a show about everything that is wrong with America. It’s a bunch of pretty people with passable talent, who prance around a stage and perform for votes. Basically it’s like a strip club only the strippers remain partially clothed. No pasties either.

On this show there are 4 judges. One is a pop singer who fell out of relevance a decade ago. Another is a Black dude that starts every sentence with “A YO!”. The third is an Australian country singer who’s married to some actress who used to be married to someone more famous than him. The fourth… the fourth is punishment for the sins of mankind. I give you…. Nicki Menaj (I think that’s how you spell it).

Holy shit. I’ve only heard the music, I’d never seen the video. What the fuck did I just watch? I feel like I need to have a funeral for my brain cells. If this does not prove my point, I don’t know what will. Honestly. Holy shit.

Anyway, she calls everyone “ladybug” and says how “obsessed” she is with them. It’s like her thing. I heard my Mom say something that sounded NM-ish and words were had. I told her “I have kept this shit out of the house because it is a disgrace to music and my generation… and what do you do? You find this shit on TV and you  start quoting it. Not happening. No.”

So anyway I was blogging away and sending emails when we lost power. I figured… eh, it’ll be back. And it did. But something was strange. Everything started buzzing and flickering… except the TV of course because Satan was on. I ran around and unplugged my laptop but it wasn’t charging correctly after that and I’m freaking out thinking I just fried my computer… traumatic people. It was.  Anyway, I go to bed. I get woken up by the weather radio. Then, I get woken up by the power dying… again. AGAIN. So I went to sleep. Next thing I know, I’ve got lights shining all up in my room, my attack dog is sounding like he’s about to rip someone apart… the power crews were out.

Because I live out in the country, people get nervous when they have to come out. And they should, but not when a local is looking out for them. And you know, they work for the power company. In marked trucks. And uniforms. And like, normal power company things. Who’s gonna shoot at them? Anyway, these two big Black guys were scared shitless. They had flashing lights on. They had every light on their trucks on shining into the woods and on the road. Then they got a fucking floodlight and shined it… right into my damn window. In my face. At 3AM. Apparently our transformer blew a fuse. Woo hoo! So I got to listen to Leroy (yeah, our attack dog is named Leroy Brown Rice (that’s how my last name is pronounced). That’s how backwoods we’ve become) growl and attempt to climb the fence, then I got to see bright lights all up in my face. Floodlights, I mean what the fuck?

So I didn’t get hardly any sleep between the rain and the excitement. We are supposed to have more storms tonight. If I have a repeat… I’ll find that song, put it on instant replay, and make the power crews listen to it. They’d probably bury the lines after digging the holes by hand just to escape the NM-age. So tonight I had to catch up on the things I had open on my computer and then send the emails that were waiting to be sent. Argh.

Did I mention I’m an absolute bitch when I’m tired?

I’m sure you had no indication.

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