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Language warning here —> Severe

I erased the original opening paragraph of this because it made me feel like a bitch.  You know, actually this entire thing is going to make me seem like a bitch, but I’m going to keep going.

Also, I am a bitch, but that is the subject for another day.

I trained my replacement for my billing job today, and I left feeling very frustrated. I feel this way because before I left for good, I made a ton of guides and spreadsheets and everything else to help the new biller. I was hoping to make it as crystal clear and easy as possible, and I tried my best to give her the advantage that was never given to me. Do you think that this new person would look over the stacks of things I gave her and be prepared for her training? Evidently not.

Now, here’s another little something about myself: I hate wasting my time. I hate my time being wasted. I especially hate my time being wasted on stupid trivial things I’ve already taken care of. I was so behind on the billing and everything else I had to bring my Mom in to help me on the weekend so I could leave things as intact as possible. We went through what I was doing as I was doing it and wrote down everything step by step, down to the goddamn buttons I had to press. Did this ever get so much of a look over? No. Of course not.

So I get dragged down early in the morning to be greeted by stacks of paper and charts and blank stares. And I say “stares” because the new girl brought the medical secretary. And they got breakfast at my favorite place ever and didn’t bring me any, knowing I love it. I realize after the fact that this was meant to be a slight but fucked if I cared at that point. So they have this list of like, 20 things they need to know how to do. Guess how many things were in the guides? All 20.

I mean really? Fucking really!?!? I’ve been working my ass off for the past few months working on the weekend and trying to keep everything afloat and they seriously thought I was going to screw over the new person? I’m doing all this for people that shit talked me behind my back and treated me like shit until I got a better job, but they think that I would screw over someone that I’ve never even met before? Do I really seem like that kind of person? Do I? Apparently I do, Good to know…

So that’s how I spent my day. Literally picking up the guide, pointing at the solution, and reading off the directions step by step. And having to answer the “Well what happened to this?” “What about that?” “I don’t think you did that right.”… REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? You are going to tell your biller for the past year who had to teach herself almost everything (and reduced the outstanding claims by $100,000+) that what she is doing is wrong because you did billing 20 years ago before computers were even invented? Award for you! All the awards go to you!!!! Congratzz OMG UR AWESUM! Gr8 4 U!

*Insert roaring here*

I’m angry because I feel insulted and taken advantage of, and I feel like my character was called into question and deemed lacking. I’m hurt that I gave this office the absolute best I had, even following the days of the event, where everything came crashing down and I didn’t want to live, much less sit at a desk and work all day. To have all the time, respect, and even love I gave be thrown back in my face is enraging. Even worse is the fact that they think I’m a liar who never did a decent job, even though they didn’t have the slightest clue how to do my job. To come in a pack and call my work into question one last time is beyond my breaking point. And then to be angry at me when I say “It’s all in the guide. Every single last thing. Why are you asking me these questions?” I mean… come on.

It shakes my self esteem to the core. I’m good at what I do, damn good. But that apparently wasn’t good enough and they decided that they hated me for no good reason. I can deal with that, that’s fine. I can’t handle my integrity being trashed when I’ve done everything above and beyond. In the back of my mind I’m scared because if they did this to me, will someone else in the future? I’m not thinking so, everyone says that office is miserable and fucked up. Yeah, I get that… but I’m still scared.

I handed my key over, took my paycheck, and got the hell out of there. And then I went to Joann’s and bought 50% off beads to add to my hoard. Not the best coping mechanism, but… BEADSESES!!!

Now, I feel like this deserves a song. I’m going to treat today like a bad breakup because it feels an awful lot like one, so here’s a little song.

Billing office, this one is for you: