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I stumbled across this video and almost laughed myself into a coma.

I have never twerked (is that the correct form? I don’t know), and I never shall. Let me list my reasons:

1. I have no moves.

2. I am a pasty academic who is hopelessly white and awkward.

3. My ass is a dangerous weapon. It is sizeable and might hurt someone. Mainly myself.

4. I can’t do a push up, how the hell am I supposed to hold myself upside down as I get it on with a wall?

5. I have the worst luck in the universe. Someone would find a video and use it to ruin my life.

6. Why would I want to?

7. I would demand compensation for my dancing services and that is not the career I want to go for.

8. I have no desire to objectify myself in any way other than what I already do.

9. My father, mother, great grandparents, grand parents, and all other general ancestors would be ashamed of me. They’d die (again) of laughter but they would still be a slight bit ashamed. My sister and brother would just join in the dancing, because they are awesome like that.

10. I lack the proper attire in which one must twerk.

I know I’m probably no fun, but the twerk scene isn’t for me. It isn’t something anyone would want to see, let alone anything I would want anyone to see. But it does make for a good laugh.

What about you? Would you twerk or are you 80, like me?

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