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Penned Monday, August 6th

To the Guy in the Beige Pickup,

It is Monday morning at 7:57AM. I need to be at work in 3 minutes. I am hungry, I am tired, and the idea of my weekend being over is not sitting well with me. So please sir, do enlighten me as to why you cannot fucking read.

I drive this back road 5 days a week. I’m tired of having issues with you. The speed limit starts at 40 and then increases to 55 after passing the first light. So, pray tell, why the fuck are you going 35 miles an hour, and why do you do it consistently?

The police station is a mile ahead of me and I have an officer practically in my trunk cursing your very existence. I can see him in his uniform, and he already looks pissed. He hasn’t even started his shift, and neither have I. I’m assuming that his need to get to the time clock is the only thing that stops him from arresting you for driving illegally under the speed limit. I wish he’d take one for the team, I’d vouch for him.

Why can’t you feed your need for civil discord by speeding like the rest of us? You don’t have to speed terribly, just do about 60 until you hit the curve leading to downtown. Drop to 45 before you pass by the police station and then go 40 around the park so you don’t run over a kid. If you don’t want to speed, pull into a parking lot and stay there so the rest of us can function.

Driving 20 MPH below the limit will push someone over the edge one day. I’m assuming you reside in the state, therefore you should already know we are the leading state for road rage related homicide and violence. I-4 sir, I-4. If you insist on driving without speeding, you could always be that annoying guy who goes exactly 55 because he takes the time to read the posted speed limits. That would be a 20 MPH improvement and I would not complain.

Please, for the love of God, drive your car like you are actually going somewhere instead of taking a leisurely drive about the countryside. This is a city, it is Monday, and I am now 5 minutes late.

Sincerely Vexed,