And a very public year at that.
A year ago today I started Discovering Different to discover a me that I didn’t despise with every fiber of my being. If it sounds harsh, that is because it is. I was a spineless and egotistical bundle of don’t-accept-responsibility and blame-everyone-else. I got my reality check in July of 2012 and since then I’ve been flailing around life for all of you to see.
If you take a tour through the old entries you will see a lot of whinging and whining about my relationship failures, quite a few entries lamenting my bad fortune, and way too much 90’s grunge rock. But hopefully you also see me getting up and standing on my own two feet. You will see me doing things I never thought I would do… I was terrified of driving without a GPS, yet I packed my bags and traveled to Europe. I was terrified of being alone, yet I got rid of all the people in my life that hurt me including some of the people closest to me.
I loved a man that would never love me again, so I cut him out of my life even though he still wanted to be friends. I lost myself to find myself. I quit jobs that made me hate my life and I got a new job that puts a smile on my face every day. I’ve tackled issues from my childhood, I’ve faced down disconnects with my beliefs and my religion, and I have openly struggled with severe depression and thoughts of suicide.
I don’t think I’ve held anything back, good or bad. At times, it really was too much to put out there for people to read, but it is something that I can’t regret. One thing that I never could have anticipated was the outpouring of support I’ve gotten from around the world. I never thought strangers I’d never met would impact my life as much as you have. Those times I needed people to be there for me and understand me, you emerged with kind words and prayers of encouragement. There has never been judgment.
You, my readers, have been my safety net. You have made the difference in my life and I love being a small part of yours. Being a part of this platform has allowed me to open my mind and my heart, but most importantly it’s allowed me to learn something about everything. I’ve laughed with some of you, I’ve cried with some of you, and I’ve appreciated all of you.
I’m looking forward to stepping into this next year on much higher ground. I’m so excited to start another year of hilarious work failures, family issues, political drama, and seemingly insignificant bullshit that makes my life meaningful. I hope that I can take the encouragement and the love that I was shown and pass it on to someone else.
There will still be whining, and there will still be 90’s grunge. There will be work stories, heartbreak, and lessons learned. But I can’t wait to share it with you.
Thank you everyone for one of the most important years of my life.