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The universe does not want me to date. I’m being thwarted at every opportunity and I’ve just reached the point of acceptance.

A quick recap of the last two months:

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1. Patient at work flirts with me shamelessly the day of his appointment and waits for me to come back to work before he picks up his contacts a week later. I run into him again at the grocery store and we have a conversation. He asks for my Facebook, I don’t have one, so I tell him to call me at work. Realizing that was a stupid thing to say, I sent him a note apologizing for probably hurting his feelings. He texts me back, I ask if he wants to meet for lunch, he says yes. My friend looks him up on Facebook and sees a lovely picture of him and his girlfriend. My indignation was palpable, I deleted and blocked his number immediately.

2. I tell my coworker that I would be interested in dating her son. She had mentioned it months ago but I had freaked out because every time mothers offer me their sons, something is extremely wrong with them. I came to realize my mistake and asked Tracy to find out some info. Tracy talked to Carol (who seemed interested), but then I never heard of it again. It is now the thing that we don’t talk about. Mum is the word, nothing ever happened. On one hand, I’m curious to know what changed her mind from yes to no, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer to that question.

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3. One of my old friends from college called me up and asked if we could have coffee to catch up. I agreed, we went out and had a good time. We had dated a bit about 5 years ago, and it didn’t end well because he was an ass. Well, guess what?

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Apparently some things never change. I gave him a golden opportunity and he blew it all to hell. I think he might have thought that I was interested in getting back together with him. Well, I was entertaining the notion until I realized that he really hasn’t changed all that much. After he intentionally “forgot” my birthday this week because he only remembers things that are “important” to him (and after catching him in about 5 lies), I can safely stamp him both a pathological liar and an unmitigated ass.

In the words of Bonnie Tyler, where have all the good men gone? If you see any, be sure to send them my way (because let’s face it… I’m not having any luck at all).