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A long time ago in a galaxy far far away,

I asked my brother to be my date to the office Christmas party. Because… well, because I refuse to date a douche even though society says I’m nothing without one. My brother is charming, well dressed, scary intelligent, and a genuinely great guy to be around. I figured that this would be the perfect fit so I reserved him six months in advance.

So, pray tell, explain to me why I decided to cancel my reservation with Jase so I could meet a guy. Oh, yeah… because I’m a dumbass. That’s why.

If I must be truthful, being single bothers me sometimes. I hate myself for letting it bother me. Granted, I could have been dating a ton of guys this year but it just wasn’t worth it. I’m not going to hang out with Mr. Right Now because I’m caving to social pressure and my own moments of panic. I’m frustrated that I’m nowhere near finding my partner and I’m pissed off at myself for not feeling secure in myself all the time. Because of my own issues, I know that being single is good for me right now. But I still am that damn hopeless romantic and it hurts.

Anyway, I thought that the office Christmas party would be a good place to meet Carol’s son Bryce who she’s been trying to introduce to me. I thought everything was good to go, but I have been thus informed that Bryce will be attending a friend’s birthday instead because it’s super important to his friend and all his other friends will be attending. Well, I can’t really be pissed off at that can I? Well, now that I cancelled my reservation, Jason is supporting another one of his friends at a big event the same night of my party. I deserve this because I didn’t want to hurt Jason’s feelings by cancelling, so I provided a lame ass excuse of ambiguous honesty. Yeah, I lied because I didn’t want him to tell me what an awful decision I was making.

What I should have done was been honest about wanting to meet Bryce in the first place, and then I should have never cancelled on Jase. I feel like a horrible person. Honestly, being dateless and single is probably exactly what I deserve after that. Well played Karma… Well played.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to listen to angsty music, wallow in self loathing, eat the rum balls I made for the party, and contemplate how everyone in this story is a better friend and sibling than I am.