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1. I thought I saw a snake in my curtains. Not curled up, hanging lengthwise. It made perfect sense at the time.

2. It feels like there is a pack of ice cubes in my stomach. The sensation is far from refreshing.

3. My desire to die fluctuates depending on how lethargic I am.

4. I just witnessed a preview for “I, Frankenstein”. No amount of drugs will make that movie good.

5. This is one of the few times I can shove a tissue up each nostril and have it be perfectly acceptable. And if it still isn’t, I don’t care.

6. My glasses are permanently fogged. I don’t need to see anyway.