That about sums it up unfortunately. A few days ago I got an email in my Gmail titled “Your Blogging Year In Review”… and I stared at it a little before it registered that yes, I did in fact have a blog. A very neglected one for a couple years, but a blog all the same. Oops.
So this year, I want to bring it back. I was reading through some of my old posts and I loved each and every one of them. I started this blog on the advice of my therapist. About 4? or 3? years ago, I came home in the middle of the night to a message on Facebook. The message was from my Fiance, and it said that he didn’t love me. And that he never had, he just didn’t know how to tell me.
Well, firstly, not in a Facebook message would have been fantastic, and not in the middle of the night, but a guy has to do what he needs to do, right? Asshole. So basically, my life was ruined in a second. Absolutely ruined. I had to quit my job because that is where we met and where his brother still worked, basically all of our mutual friends were put in that position and I was so grief stricken I lost the basic ability to function. To be lied to and to have such a rude awakening was absolutely devastating.
This blog became a real outlet where I could think, grieve, and heal. it took me two years to put the pieces back together, and you can see that chronicled throughout the archives. Some posts even bring back those feelings of… complete confusion, loneliness, and unbridled rage.
But in the past couple of years, in the time span between all the posts, I’ve started a career, moved, and I met the man who is now my husband. Thanks to him, and thanks in large part by my drive to give a certain someone the middle finger, I’d say I discovered something different than what I had. Which, as you can tell from the title, was the whole purpose.
But I’ve come to realize that I’m always discovering something different. Be it good or bad or maybe a little bit of both.