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They said I probably should devote a couple minutes a day to keeping a diary. Apparently it’s supposed to make me calmer, bring down my anxiety, and make me happier. Venting rage and frustration in a private way is ideal according to the plan.

Well there is one problem with that: I vent rage immediately and I don’t vent it privately. If I have an issue with you, you fucking know.

So how the hell am I supposed to be zen when my boss and my doctor and my patients are all driving me to a breaking point and I can’t vent on them? I mean, I literally hate my job. The thought of going to work in the morning makes me want to start filing my paper clips into shanks.

I swear to God, who the fuck thinks that it is appropriate to half ass laws? Who finds it appropriate to put their husband in charge of a medical practice when he can’t bother to even show up to work? When he never had any experience in the medical field? When his main love in life is gambling, he’s put in charge of the money? Please tell me how that remotely makes sense.

If I have to sit through one more meeting while being called a member of the “Dream Team” I might fucking puke. We aren’t the “Dream Team”, we are three people who keep the damn place above water. Who never let the patients know how toxic the environment is. Who have to deal with being screamed at, taken for granted, we have no fucking benefits, our schedule is complete shit, and it’s expected that work comes above everything.

We will get yelled at for overtime, but if stuff isn’t done, we should have come in earlier. I didn’t say “stay late” because we always are there late. I’ve had to stay at work 1 1/2 hours late before and didn’t even get home that night until after 8. Because fuck dinner, and fuck being able to see my husband before I have to go to bed in order to get up and get into work the next morning at 7AM. The practice manager works maybe 10 to 3 on days he bothers to show up. The owner comes in later than the staff and leaves right after the last patient is brought out to us (so basically the owner works 1.5 to 2 hours less than they expect us to). And they honestly don’t know that’s bad for morale.

But that’s not even the worst part! Sometimes, we can’t even take a lunch. Why? Because the practice owners are so greedy that they refuse to close the office for any period of time. But the owner still gets lunch. As long of a lunch as they want, while we only get 30 minutes if we are lucky.

We had a bonus system last year that we weren’t expected to make. But we did make bonus quite a bit. So this year, bonuses were cut to 30% of what they were before, but we are expected to turn out 10% more profit in order to qualify for them. We made over a million dollars last year on a staff of 4. We are expected to bring in 1.5 million this year.

For Christmas we were foolish enough to think we’d escaped the horrors of a party… no. At the absolute last second they want to have a party. We just wanted for lunch to be brought in because we were so busy we didn’t have time for anything. We asked for the amount they were planning to spend be divided among us as a little bonus because the holidays are really rough. Nope! Have to have a big Christmas party with all sorts of flashy stuff we didn’t want. That day was 7:00AM to 10:30PM, and we didn’t get paid for any of the time we were “partying”. When I thought I had a conflict and told the owner, I got so much shade thrown at me and I was told that I would ruin everything unless I did what was expected of me.

While I’m ranting, why can’t we get some decent security cameras and door locks and everything else put into place? I’ve had to call the police numerous times. We’ve had at least 5 attempted robberies at my practice. I’ve had someone arrested for God knows what. I have a panic button and a list of people I need to push it for. We aren’t in the best part of town. We have to walk each other out no matter if it’s to our cars, the mailbox, the trash compactor…

And we can’t even get fucking Starbucks for meetings. I cannot wait to leave. I will announce in early December that I’m leaving in two weeks. And then I will leave. I will not train another person, I will not leave a training guide. I will delete everything I did for them including forms, databases, spreadsheets… Because fuck that place.

I will spend the holidays with my husband and then I will look for and find a new job in a different industry in 2017.