Will hasn’t been sleeping. Today we went to hospice and sat a little with PoPo. Everything is now a family circus, kids and people and everyone everywhere…
Will’s family is very difficult to understand and handle sometimes. I feel like they resent the fact that they never got to meet me before Will and I were engaged. I know for a fact that they are upset that we didn’t have a wedding. They like to forget that they haven’t always treated Will well. They like to overlook the fact that Will’s sister and husband tried to sabotage him in law school with an internship which is one of the many reasons there is no relationship between the two.
They regret that Will didn’t join the Navy, even though he went to VMI and shattered his knees in a training accident. He’s lucky he can even walk because they didn’t even treat the injury for days no matter what level of pain his was in and how much he begged to see a doctor. They told him to get back up and run along with the other cadets. Yes, you read that correctly. He was forced to run and do obstacles courses for days even though his knees were shattered and he couldn’t walk. He will have to have two knee replacements sooner rather than later because his knees never healed right. The best part? His parents refused to come and get him from the hospital. He had to get his uncle to drive across 4 states, then 4 more, then back again to bring him home while he was in a wheelchair and on crutches.
I was told today that they were happy that Will was re-engaging with the family. His estranged sister cooked up this insane idea that Will didn’t want to be a member of the family because he couldn’t attend all the functions years ago, even though he was in law school, on law review, and working side jobs for three years. They never even tried to understand how difficult and time consuming a law degree is, not counting the other stuff, and they forget that he was in the top 15% at graduation.
This is just one more thing that makes me angry, because at it’s core, it is very unfair. Another thing is that his parents paid everything for his sisters including sorority fees, sorority house dues, tuition, cars, books, clothing, phones… everything. For their entire undergrad and for a masters degree for the estranged sister. They didn’t qualify for scholarships, in fact, one sister needed out of state tuition for two years. Will’s other sister was barely a C student because she was too busy sleeping with everyone on campus and partying to go to class.
When Will went to college, he stayed in town and his undergrad was completely paid for by an academic scholarship for Chemistry. He lived at home to save money. He worked for the honors college and he also worked side jobs to pay for books and the things he needed. His parents promised him that if he made it through his undergrad without costing them anything, they would buy him a car to help him out. Did he cost them anything? No. Did they even help him with a car? No.
When he went to law school, he got a 65% scholarship. They didn’t help Will out one bit here as well, which is why we have student debt and why he works for nonprofits. His mother was disappointed because he chose to only be a lawyer instead of being a doctor. He gets paid absolute shit for a law graduate, but if he doesn’t work non-profit, we have to pay back every cent of the student loans.
So hearing that “re-engaging” comment made me about fucking explode. Meanwhile, neither of his sisters and their husbands are anywhere to be found as we were sitting in the hospice trying to do whatever we could to help. As you read in the last post, his estranged sister is actually making things so very much worse, but “she is a counselor”, and Will’s mother’s favorite child, so it’s okay.
My blood pressure must be through the roof right now. Honestly, he’s thought about disowning his whole family and never seeing or speaking to them again. It feels like all they do is bring him down, that nothing he does will ever make them happy. His mother actually said on his 25th birthday that he was a mistake, and that she wished he’d never been born.
Granted, my extended family is pretty fucked up, and I’ve disowned about 85% of my relatives. But my Mama would never say that. And my Daddy wouldn’t ever let her say that even if she went batshit insane. I’m the only biological child my parents have, my older sister is my half sister, and my oldest sister is her half sister. Would you ever know it? Well, maybe because we don’t look very much alike… But we still treat each other like family because we are family. So I just don’t understand any of this. And I can’t even scream bloody murder like I could with my own family, because it’s just not my place. I’m very much an outsider here. They don’t even know that I know everything.
So all of this is going on in the middle of losing one of the only sane members of this goddamn family. Will was muttering on our way home that the inmates are running the damn asylum, and he’s right. Hopefully at least the bickering stays to a minimum until PoPo is finally at rest.